MOVIE NIGHT TRAFFIC LIGHT

DNA Production (Distributor: Warner Brothers Pictures)

$50M

Brian De Palma (Scarface, Mission Impossible, The Untouchables)

Rudy Cohen (The I Inside), Moshe Diamant (Tristan & Isolde, Timecop), Art Linson (Heist, Fight Club)

Josh Friedman (War of the Worlds)

Josh Hartnett – Ofcr. Dwight “Bucky” Bleichert (Lucky Number Slevin, Black Hawk Down, Pearl Harbor)

Scarlett Johansson – Kay Lake (The Island, Lost in Translation)

Aaron Eckhart – Sgt. Leland “Lee” Blanchard (Thank You for Smoking, Paycheck)

Mia Kirshner – Elizabeth Scott (Not Another Teen Movie)

The Black Dahlia refers to Hollywood’s most heinous crime ever – taking $8 from people to see this stupid thing!

The Black Dahlia is brought to us by the director of Scarface and Mission Impossible.  According to the advertisement for this movie, it’s supposed to be about Hollywood’s most infamous unsolved murder that took place in the 1940’s.  Unfortunately, the infamous murder is only a side-story of the movie.  At first, the movie appears to be about boxing in the 1940’s.  Then it turns into a movie about two cops in the LAPD.  About half way though the movie, the first mention is made of the murder of the Black Dahlia (a young girl in L.A. determined to make it in show biz).  All that might have been okay if the story was intriguing or at least made some sense, but neither was the case.  If the audience hangs in there till the end, they will be disappointed one last time when the murder that’s gone unsolved in real life for the last 60 years is conveniently and easily solved in the movie in about a minute and a half. 

Every time we think we’ve seen the worse movie of all time, someone raises the bar.  As of its opening day, The Black Dahlia is the new, undeniable champion.  It is a horrible depiction of a ridiculous story.  In fact, it more closely resembles a comedy show skit gone bad than it does a star-studded, big-budget blockbuster.  Its senseless dialog, with over-the-top acting and absurd narration – complete with an ever present trumpet solo to drive you completely mad.  Possibly the only redeeming factors . . . a K. D. Lang performance, and some circa 1940’s porn thrown in the middle for no apparent reason.  But even if K.D. or antique porn are your thing, it’s not enough to save the film – The Black Dahlia is a lost cause.

On the Movie Night Traffic Light on a scale of GREEN meaning “Go – it’s a must see”, YELLOW meaning “Caution – it’s okay” and RED meaning “No - stop don’t do it."

We rate The Black Dahlia RED.  Stop – really, no one should spend the money to see this movie.